Ah.....gentleness and self control. The last 2 fruits of the spirit mentioned in Galatians.These are fruit that we must cultivate. Why do these 2 seem to elude me? With much prayer and seeking and reading the word have I sought after you and you still run from me. Just when I think I will be able to climb up that beautiful fruit tree and finally acquire a piece of that wonderful fruit, I fall right back down to the bottom. With shear frustration I lay on the ground looking up at you and it is as if you are mocking me you fruits of the spirit of God. Why would you not want me to have you? Why would you run from me, when I desperately need you? Why?
Honestly it seems that every problem that I am trying to overcome in this season is all tied to self-control. Dieting has bombed out once again because of lack of self-control, a very sharp-tongued temper when protecting my mother has once again reared it's ugly head. All of this is rooted in lack of self-control and gentleness with people. Lord knows if a person was describing me, gentleness is not a word that would readily come to mind. In fact, most of the time when I am on a roll, gentleness runs and hides in a closet somewhere for fear that just a look from me will melt off it's sweet lil' face. I don't want to be this way. I do not want to be this way and then guess what? I tend to be this way.
I have promised myself and the Lord that I would not allow myself to go to the nursing home each day until I have immersed myself in the presence of God and His grace and mercy and goodness and His wonderful joy. Now right in the middle of this writing, the nursing home has called me to set up a care plan for my mother and I told the lady it would not be today because I was already upset with them and would rather not come until Friday. I cannot allow myself to be baited by the enemy of my soul to fall apart and act out or become angry and end up sinning! I can be angry but I can't sin. That is the word of God and if I allow folks to get me to the point of sinning, then I have stepped over the line and I will get a whipping from the Lord and that will bring much sorrow.
I genuinely don't want to feel this way. I don't want to be agitated and angry and fed up and all of the above. I have got to line myself out with the word of God and get the oil of the Holy Ghost on me and let that oil form that ducks back that we have all heard so much about. I am sure if anyone takes the time to read this, they will either say well that Priscilla needs to get a hold of herself or they will say, hey, I feel exactly the same ways sometimes. I realize that in this season, God is cultivating these 2 seemingly illusive fruits of the spirit. He is training me to keep my mouth shut. He is training me to wait, to think before I speak. To calm down, keep my eyes on Him and just let that bone sit on my nose until He says otherwise. When I saw this pic of the dog with the bone on his nose, I thought yep that's me, I am in training. That is exactly how I feel right now the pressure of the self control issue is lying right on my nose, right in front of my eyes and God is staying wait, acquire strength. Hold on, acquire grace and mercy. I shall cultivate these fruit through the help and guidance of the Holy Spirit of God.
They say that the most sweet fruit is up high and out on a limb. I truly believe that and so therefore I will climb. I will lay fear aside and go out on that limb and acquire these much needed fruit.
Priscilla Hinds
Blogger/Writer
AWord42Day
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