Although I have not enjoyed the pain I have had to endure over the last few days, I have however, enjoyed the time alone with God. He has spoken to me so very clearly in these last few days. I am grateful for His abiding presence of course but those moments when He is right there in your face, speaking to you, revealing to you, correcting you and encouraging you, those moments are priceless.
He has been dealing with me about slowing down, getting alone with Him and shutting it all off, shutting everyone and everything out and just seeking Him. In this society we seem to think that if we don't have the phone ringing, the door bell ringing, and 5 appliances going at once and multi-tasking to the hilt that we aren't doing anything. I beg to differ. Once I remove myself from the hustle and the hassle I tend to get more done because my mind is alert, fine tuned to His voice and I can write better, and do everything better from a position of love than I can when I am stressed out and trying to do everything and be everything that everyone wants me to be.
I grew up as a people pleaser trying to be the tom-girl for my dad to be his fishing and hunting buddy and work on cars and then be the fashionista for my mother and look good and act perfect all of the time and of course I failed on both counts. That was only the beginning of the people pleaser mentality that has followed be doggedly for years. I have just recently learned that I could say no to ministry and not be displeasing to God. Lord have mercy if I did everything that I was asked to do or that was expected of me, I would absolutely lose my mind and I guess as a younger Christian that is exactly what I did. I lost my mind. I lost me! Where did I go? What am I supposed to be doing? Am I never to have a say in my life? Or am I to be at the beck and call of everyone for the rest of eternity?
I formed a really bad pattern in my life trying to be the be all, end all, fix all for my friends, my family, my church and my bosses. In turn all I managed to do was wear myself out and when I was completely broken down and could no longer do all that was expected I was cast upon the heap of all of the other unwanted things. People will do that to you, if you let them. They will pull on you, they will pull on your anointing, they will just pull and push and pull and push until you are just worn out and then add a sickness, ailment or disease to all of that and you have the perfect storm for burn out, to say the very least. Well.....I have finally learned over the years when He is saying to slow it down, pull it to the side and park here for a while, I better listen or I will be in a BIG MESS!
He has spoken some very clear things to me in the last few days and I have immensely enjoyed our time together just worshiping Him and getting instructions, and seeing a glimpse of things to come and they are all so very good. I just have to keep myself focused on Him and not on all of the other things that want to pull on me. Whether it is my wayward child and all that concerns him or ministry in general or neighbors, friends or other family, I have to sometimes pull this BIG BUS over and just be.
Not go anywhere, not do anything out of the ordinary, not even leave my apartment, other than to go down and check my mail and come right back. I am happy to say that I am genuinely happy being by myself just me and God and don't feel a compulsion or don't feel a need to have people around me all of the time and for me that is a major feat. For that I have to say hallelujah and thank you Jesus!
There was a time that I just could not function if I didn't have people around me constantly because I truly didn't like myself and so I tried to fill every second of every day with something or someone so as not to have to be alone but praise be to God those days are over and pulling aside is just fine with me now. I have been immersed in His presence for days now and I feel like I could fly without wings and although my body is acting up, my spirit is soaring. He is doing a great work inside of me and I am excited about His process and about this journey with Him.
I know it sounds cliche but it really isn't about the destination, it is about the journey, the every day journey with Him and His creation. Taking time to see His beauty in everything and to enjoy all that He has given us in the now and seeing His glory in it all. Whether it is a beautifully colored leaf, or a bird singing or a stream of water or a mountain range, or even a dark valley, He is the Creator of it all and it all works for our good and for His glory. I am grateful for all He is speaking and all that He is showing me in this season and I look forward to even further instruction and release from Him.
Slow it down. Turn off the television, turn off your phone, put a do not disturb sign on your door and just get into His presence, where there is fullness of joy. Worship, rejoice, praise, rejuvenate, refresh and watch Him pour out His spirit and His power and His glory. He is so good to us, all He wants is time with us. He is a good father and He loves us.
No comments:
Post a Comment